QUOTATIONS

Why can't we build orphanages next to homes for the elderly? If someone's sitting in a rocker, it won't be long before someone's sitting in their lap.

Fun is like life insurance - the older you get, the more it costs.

3 stages of life - youth, middle age and "You're looking great"

I don't know how old you are but you don't look it.

Middle age is when, faced with 2 temptations, you choose the one that will get you home earliest.

Middle Age - when your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

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ANECDOTES

Christmas story about staff of rest home who thought they'd brighten up the old dears xmas by dressing up as angels. But efforts not appreciated by oldies who thought they'd wakened up in heaven and were mightily put out when found not true.

Centenarians have nothing in common except attitude - they retain optimism and sense of humour all the time - no matter what disasters or hardships

About 20 percent of Japan's adult-video market is now "elder porn" with each production featuring one or more studly seniors and Shigeo Tokuda, 76, among the most popular. He told Toronto's Globe and Mail in October [2010] that he still "performs" physically "without Viagra," in at least one role a month opposite much younger women. His wife and adult daughter learned only two years ago, by accident, of his late-onset career (which began at age 60 when a filmmaker hired him for his "pervert's face"). Tokuda figures the "elder porn" genre will grow with Japan's increasing senior population.

Gran got tired of shopping for grandchildren so decided to send them money for xmas. On every card she wrote "Buy your own present" and sent them off. After xmas she got round to tidying up her desk and found the pile of gift cheques she'd forgotten to enclose.

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ARTICLES

Will we ever live to 150?

Last month, a 114-year-old former schoolteacher from Georgia named Besse Cooper became the world's oldest living person. Her predecessor, Brazil's Maria Gomes Valentim, was 114 when she died. So was the oldest living person before her, and the one before her. In fact, eight of the last nine "world's oldest" titleholders were 114 when they achieved the distinction. Here's the morbid part: All but two were still 114 when they passed it on. Those two? They died at 115. The celebration surrounding Cooper when she assumed the title, then, might as well have been accompanied by condolences. If historical trends hold, she will likely be dead within a year. The Upper Limit and Supercenterians

Daily life in some institutions consists of dozing in chairs in front of incomprehensible television screens, and/or being subjected to unchosen music, punctuated by futile attempts to go home that may be rewarded by an increase in sedation. The contrast with Hogeweg, where residents take themselves to the hairdresser, have a drink and do their shopping, all under the careful but unobtrusive guidance of care staff - could not be greater. Dutch Dementiaville

Life expectancy is increasing by about two years every decade. People in the 85-plus range are generally much happier, and more independent, than is generally realized. Remarkably, 80% of a group carefully selected by the Kirkwood team - a fair sample of the UK population of this age - need little care. Around the same number rate their quality of life either good or excellent. On the downside, 20% need either regular daily help or critical 24-hour care. While the most recent analysis showed that the number of people in the UK aged over 80 to be at 2.6 million, by 2030 the figure is likely to jump to 4.8 million - and one in five will need regular care. Facts

In Charles Yu's How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe, you can hide from the world by living out of time. Time machine technician Charles Yu does it by hiding himself in a pocket universe while his retired mother hides from her unhappy memories inside a one-hour time loop. Instead of hanging out in a nursing home, where your dementia constantly reboots your memory, you can just relive the same hour over and over again. Some solutions from SF

A study finds that elderly people who played a video game for at least 10 hours gained three years of protection from cognitive decline. Play video games

More than one in four elderly patients was given potentially hazardous medication, according to a 2007 German study. Giving certain medical drug substances to over-65-year-olds can increase the risk of undesired drug effects, and for this reason experts describe them as "potentially inappropriate medications" (PIMs).

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BOOKS

1979 experiment psychologist Ellen Langer equipped an old monastery in New Hampshire with props from the 1950's. She invited men in their 70's and 80's to stay. They watched old Ed Sullivan shows and movies and baseball games from 1950's. At the end of the week the men tested better on hearing and memory, their joints were more flexible and 2/3 of them improved IQ score. The Social Animal

Monotony collapses time, novelty stretches it. When we are teenagers life is full of new experiences and we have vivid recollections of them. But as we get older, more and more events are repeats, so we don't store vivid memories of them. Much becomes automatic routine and we don't store any memory of them.Moonwalking With Einstein

Working retired - economists concerned about incr imbalance between retired and working (taxpayers). Yet, in US, all needs happen is for people to work one more year, the numbers will even out. If half worked an extra 5 years, the extra payroll taxes will be greater than the shortfall . Microtrends

At 60 you start to fart. And you don't lose yr sense of smell till 70. You are so alone! Parky's People

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The Wisdom of the Crowd

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