Drink Limericks

There was a young lady from Kent
Who said that she knew what it meant
When invited to dine
By men who brought wine
She knew what it meant, but she went!

There was a young lady named Flynn
Who knew fornication was sin
But when she was tight
It seemed quite alright
So everyone filled her with gin

There was a young fellow named Sydney
Who drank till he ruined his kidney
It shrivelled and shrank
As he sat there and drank
But he had fun while he did, now didn't he

There was an old farmer named Lear,
Who possessed a fine cow that gave beer.
Budweiser or Schlitz,
Could be tapped from her tits,
And Guiness came out of the rear.

Said a guy who liked to drink beer,
"To me it is perfectly clear.
The more suds you drink,
The better you think!"
And then he fell down on his ear.

Oh my God, my face is all pale;
Like zero on a 1 to 10 scale.
All sick and obscure
Can I ever find a cure?
Of course - a cold bottle of ale!

There once was a girl named Anheuser,
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found the Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.

Guinness that dark bitter brew,
Quite as smooth and as creamy as you;
But too many I fear,
Causes droop of my spear,
And that leaves me unable to screw.

At one time I made a fine brew,
That was crafted with hops that I grew.
The taste was intense,
With a strong resin sense,
And malt flavor pervading all through.

Oh Beer, thou drink of the gods,
Have pity on us poor sods.
Like bees to a flower,
Give us the power;
In quantities best known as 'LOTS'.

It's a terrible thing to be dead
Or sleep all alone in a bed;
But next to it, Lad,
There is nothing so sad
As a beer which hasn't a head.

Some merry old monks of Manuller,
Found life was becoming much duller.
They brewed a fine ale
In a massive big pail,
And they found their lives were much fuller.

What is to our hearts so dear?
What makes the whole world cheer?
What is it we praise
In millions of ways -
Could it be anything other than Beer?!

There was an enchanting young bride
Who ate many green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.