I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.

QUOTATIONS

Bisexuality doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night (Woody Allen)

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. (Scott Adams)

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. (Jack Nicholson)

You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.

"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away." Phyllis Diller

Personal ads are dangerous - you have to sort out ones who are lying from the ones who are hallucinating.

Should always post photo - pref sober and unarmed.

Dating's a bit like marriage - you go out for evening, maybe to a restaurant, have a few drinks then go to bed - only difference is, on a date the guy will expect to have sex with you.

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ANECDOTES

Woman reckoned you should always meet for first date at mini golf - 1) it's public 2) it's daylight 3) you've got a club in your hand

New York drop-dead phone line - you give the number to someone and when they call they hear "The person who gave you this number does not wish to speak to you ever again"

smart man + smart woman = romance
smart man + dumb woman = affair
dumb man + smart woman = marriage
dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Final option is to globalise - female equiv of men seeking Russian brides - import a big handsome 3rd worlder keen to improve lot - esp good news for the fat dumb and ugly women who can find a motivated young West African.

Aust book Are We There Yet women complaining about how hard to find a socially acceptable guy, but guys just go off and buy a wife in Thailand etc so they don't care.

London Review of Books started running personal ads very first one set the tone: "67 yo disaffiliated flaneur picking my way through the urban jungle ... jacked up on Viagra and looking for a contortionist who plays the trumpet"

Weight is only a sexual hindrance to heterosexual fat dudes. Fat chicks can get laid any time of the day or night anywhere in the world, don't let the media fool you. Fat guys, however, particularly ones with no money, they are pretty much doomed. There are no female chubby-chasers, no ladies longing to hunt for a lost penis amidst folds of hairy adipose tissue. They are stuck not getting any until the end of their days which (mercifully) will likely come early.

Love affairs are the only major decision we make at a dark noisy party where you've already had a bit to drink. Few months down the line he turns out to be a lazy lying boor: she turns out to have a gold medal in nagging.

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ARTICLES

The internet generation of daters hasn't abandoned personal ads. Rather, lonely heart sections have raised their game. Advertisers have evolved the formulaic WTLM/GSOH standard of old into clever haikus of longing and desire. No longer the realm of (whisper it) losers, there is a sophistication to the modern day personal ad that is both fascinating and, for those who are compelled to respond, frequently thrilling. The London Review of Books dating column

German men see the conquest of German women as an extreme sport, a physical activity that is up there with bungee jumping and paragliding. It boils down to three essentials: stamina, technique and the right kit. The charm thing doesn't really come into it, any more than it does with mountaineering. One chat-up line suggested by the much-visited German site Flirt-mit-mir (Flirt with me) is: "Your eyes are the same colour as my Porsche." Apparently this works quite well, even better than, "Do you want to see my gun collection?" Pick Up Lines Around The World

Anodyne conversations and ways to liven them up

Ask women how they ended up with the last man they broke up with and you'll find he was the most persistent of the men she had recent contact with. In general, both women and men have seen plenty by the time they have dated seven members of the opposite sex. Specifically, that means that the last seven were representative of the litter. Throw out the star and the loser and what remains is what remains. The woman, the man, has seen and dated what is in their "league."

If women are shallow, men are ankle deep. Men have filtering systems just like women, except there aren't as many. Men don't have a conscious or nonconscious filter for "resources" like knowledge, job, educational status/history, or frankly, anything. At the nonconscious level, men filter women by physical appearance.

There is, however, a different system of calculation for men than women. Once men have been in their seven "relationships," whether one night or one decade in duration, they "know" their value on the market. The man entering the room with a random group of women will indeed instantly find the most attractive of the women. Almost all heterosexual men will.

But the Beta Male will not approach the Alpha Female. There is a warning system for men that rejection is coming and it has a similar effect as a police car's siren or the Emergency Broadcast system. All but the Alpha Males will avoid the Alpha Females. Alpha Males and Females



Because one of the reasons you are single (and this is the only one that is strictly your fault) is that you have written off every kind of man who might conceivably cross your path. You have built a fortress out of your preconditions and you are glowering down from the battlements. Men do approach from time to time, but then they see the vats of boiling oil teetering on the ramparts and think better of it. Finding a Man After 40 and Grandma's Lamp

We hear endless complaints from women about the lack of good men. Women astonished that men don't seem to be around when they decide it is time to settle down. Women telling men to ''man up'' and stop shying away from commitment. But there is another conversation going on - a fascinating exchange about what is happening from the male point of view. Much of it thrives on the internet, in the so-called ''manosphere''. Here you will find men cheerfully, even triumphantly, blogging about their experience. They have cause for celebration, you see. They've discovered a profound change has taken place in the mating game and, to their surprise, they are the winners.

The high expectations of professional women are a big part of the story. Many high-achieving women simply are not interested in Mr Average, says Justin Parfitt, the owner of Australia's fastest growing speed-dating organisation, Fast Impressions. Parfitt adds: ''They've swallowed the L'Oreal line: 'Because you're worth it!' There's a real sense of entitlement.''He finds many of his female members are determined to meet only men who are tall, attractive, wealthy and well educated. They want the alpha males. New Rules

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BOOKS

(The funniest book on dating and guys I've read in a long time)(The narrator has asperger's, but doesn't realize it). The Wife Project is a questionnaire designed to eliminate unsatisfactory candidates without the tiresome bother of dates and other time-wasting activities. My strategy was to minimise the chance of making a type-one error - wasting time on an unsuitable choice. Inevitably that increased the risk of a type-two error - rejecting a suitable person. But that was an acceptable risk as I was dealing with a very large population. 'Question 35: Do you eat kidneys? is testing for food problems. If you ask directly about food problems, they say "I eat anything" and then you find out they are vegetarian.' The Rosie Project

Basic suggestion is to log on to a dating site as the opposite sex, and see who you are competing with, what attributes they offer, and which are most successful. Author unsuccessfully offered a resume of work skills and achievements, but had to rethink when wound up with a series of pathetic or disastrous dates. So she set up a dozen fake male profiles, then monitored the women who responded, and how they 'sold' themselves.

Despite the old adage of 'let the man contact you first', popular women didn't hesitate to reach out. They would say things like "Hi there. I like that you [detail from profile]. I'm interested in [detail] too." No strange pickup lines or abbreviations - just a friendly, non-committal 100 words or so. Data, A Love Story

Interview a suitor A Dirty Job

Analyzed Internet dating sites. Predictable lies - too many men claiming $200K plus income; too many women claiming to weigh 20lbs less than the national average. For men. being short is a major disadvantage, for women, being overweight is. For women, a head of blond hair is worth the same as a college degree. Freakonomics

People who are neither famous nor wealthy still have to find a mate. How? Evo theory suggests shd lower expectations and make most of what you can get. Straight out of Jane Austen. When dating sites analysed, realism obvious: no point investing resources trying to date someone too far above you on the social scale. We learn early how we stand in the mating market, and adjust our aspirations accordingly. We might yearn for a film star but it only takes a couple of cold shoulders for reality to intervene. And so, like tends to settle for like. One striking feature of traits women seek is emphasis on pairbonding and family, signalled by words such as loving, warm, family-minded, gentle and dependable. 45% of women wanted at least one of those traits in a prospective partner, but only 20% of men used any of those words to describe themselves. How Many Friends Does One Person Need?

Couples in love spend signif amt time gazing into each other's eyes. Turns out reverse is true as well. Devised fake expt supposedly to test for ESP-telepathy, in which pairs had to look into each other's eyes extended time. They reported genuine feelings of affection/attraction for new-found soulmate. 59 Seconds

She goes to a movie which changes her life - a French film about two friends, one married, one single. The married one secretly places an ad for single friend and complications ensue. JJ identifies with the single woman, even though she's 20 years older - independent and stubborn; proud and lonely; divorced and cynical; devoted to her work, she swears she wants nothing to do with men - yet we know that the absence of men in her life, while bearable, is not desirable. A Round Heeled Woman

So when our hearts start beating faster with adrenaline rush of scary bridge, our minds confuse that arousal with the arousal of romantic attraction. So moral is, don't take date to a movie, take her somewhere where adrenaline will start to pump - a roller coaster or a scary film. Quirkology

When men tested after looking at Playboy centrefolds, rated their own GF's as being less attractive. Other women's beauty undermines their commitment to their partners. Women didn't have this effect after looking at handsome men, but they did after seeing profiles of higher status men. Sex, Murder and the Meaning of Life

Tried a speed-dating events for seniors 65 and older. First ones failed because whereas young ones know they've got 5 mins to impress a prospective romantic partner, oldies weren't as outgoing. So organizers got everyone to bring a personally impt object - a photo or a souvenir - as a discussion starter. This time they couldn't get people to shut up. The Upside of Irrationality

Conventional belief that in dating, men the aggressor, women passive. But men rarely approach a woman unless she's given a non-verbal signal to proceed. This is called solicitation behavior, and includes glancing at the man, smiling, primping (smooth hair etc). Less attractive women with high solicitation levels are approached more often than attractive ones with low solicitation levels. Researchers could predict how likely a woman was to be asked to dance simply by how frequently she glanced around the room. Welcome To Your Brain

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MOVIES

Her is different; it depicts mutual love between man and machine that, for some reason, feels multi-faceted, amorous and profound. Just like the real thing. Her

At home, Katniss has a boyfriend, a young man named Gale. He has rugged good looks, he's brave, and they are perfectly matched in many ways. Both Katniss and Gale fight against the system in their own way (which is increasingly seen as the trilogy continues), and he is always successful at making Katniss feel comforted in a world with no comforts. So why does Katniss later fall for Peeta? The Hunger Games

News broke this week that a third of young Brits have engaged in a 'friends with benefits' (FWB) scenario of the sort depicted in the film of the same name and in every Ashton Kutcher movie ever. Translation: a sexual relationship founded upon not being in a relationship. Friends With Benefits

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Dating Letters