Work Quotes
Work“All predictions about the future of work will be wrong, including this one.”People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work. William Faulkner By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. “I just point at things.” —David Attenborough, on hosting wildlife documentaries. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some just don't turn up at all. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction. Too many people are ready to carry the stool when there's a piano to be moved. The worst thing about office xmas parties is having tolook for a new job the next day. Management is nothing more than motivating other people. Nothing will work unless you do. Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas A. Edison The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. The harder I work, the luckier I get. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labour. The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. Ronald Reagan There are one hundred men seeking security to one able man who is willing to risk his fortune. J. Paul Getty When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. Laurence J. Peter The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. May you - Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like it's being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman (Irish toast) Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need (Voltaire) Work is the curse of the drinking classes. (Oscar Wilde) Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.(Stephen King) Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quit I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work. And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time. An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. The worst thing about Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Problem is that recipe for success is about the same as the recipe for a nervous breakdown. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. Today's Parenting Tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work. Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not yet fully developed. Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses. Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. "Now I'm going to take you through the next eleven years in 8 seconds, ready? Meth, meth, meth, biker boyfriend, dead cop, technicality, rehab, Jesus, pharmacy assistant, MEEEEEEEEETH! Checkout clerk. Teamwork: the chance to blame everyone else. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. People will never know how long it took you to make something. They will only know how well it is done. (Italy's "black widow", Patrizia Reggiani, who is serving a 26 year prison sentence for hiring a hit man to kill her husband, heir to Gucci fashion fortune, was offered chance to get out of her cell on day release if she would do menial work such as cleaning or waitressing) "I've never worked a day in my life and I'm certainly not going to start now." (she also had something to say about happiness) Teamwork is what you call it when you trick other people into ignoring their priorities in favor of yours. Scott Adams. During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality ?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. 1) Enjoy your job. 2) Work within the law. 3) Make lots of money. Choose any two. Employee of the Month: how to e a winner nd a loser at the same time Scott Adams, Dilbert creator, asked readers to describe their job in one sentence. These were some of the replies: I ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool.(Lifeguard) I spend my day looking out the window (Airline pilot) I bring a little rain into the lives of flood victims (Tax investigator) I talk in other peoples' sleep (Uni professor) Management /n/ unskilled labor without the labor. Scott Adams. The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. If something goes wrong... blame the guy who can't speak English. Homer Simpson. USEFUL WORK PHRASES: He's reached rock bottom and started to dig. Sets low standards and then fails to reach them. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. No, my powers can only be used for good. How about never? Is never good for you? I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... I don't work here. I'm a consultant. Who me? I just wander from room to room. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. Resumes often hard to read - white lies on white paper. If someone comes to work with the flu', pay them back by giving them laxatives - they'll be too scared to cough or sneeze. Boss to underling: "Have you been having sex with my secretary?" No. "Are you sure?" Yes. "OK then you fire her." When management talks about improving productivity, they are never talking about their's Should keep sexual harassment complaint forms in bottom drawer of filing cabinet - that way get good look at secretary's ass when she bends over to get them He always gave 100% to job - 40% on Monday, 20% on Tuesady .... Lost job through illness and fatigue - boss got sick and tired of him. He's a miracle worker - it's a miracle when he does any work. I used to work in an orange juice factory but I couldn't concentrate, Your job is secure, it's you we can do without. It may look like I'm not doing much, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. - You're fired - But my lord, I've been in your family since 1532 - So has syphilis, now get out (Blackadder 2) |