Therapy"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, No hablo ingles."
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"Dr Seuss
"With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!" Rodney Dangerfield
"I regard psychiatry as fifty percent bunk, thirty percent fraud, ten percent parrot talk, and the remaining ten percent just a fancy lingo for the common sense we have had for hundreds and perhaps thousands of years, if we ever had the guts to read it" Raymond Chandler
Most of us would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
Bought self-help book on How To Handle Disappointment. All pages were blank.
I used to be in therapy. Now I'm in denial. It's a lot cheaper.
Nathaniel Lane, the Restoration dramatist, on being committed to Bedlam said "Theysaid I was mad: and I said they were mad: damn them, they outvoted me."
It's all down to how you deal with things. I find Prozac and killing sprees work for me. If you see me on the news you'll know the Prozac didn't work.
Never lie down with a woman who has more troubles than you. (AKA Don't stick your dick in crazy)
Pain and suffering is inevitable but misery is optional.
I'm not tense, I'm just very very alert.
Advice: what we ask for when we know the answer, but wish we didn't.
For sincere advice, plus the correct time, call any number at 3am
Like any contemporary philosopher, he enjoyed giving helpful advice to people who were happier than he was.
"I get into bed, turn out the light, and say "Bugger the lot of them." and go to sleep." (Winston Churchill)