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Quotes About Sex

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“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” Oscar Wilde

Sex burns 1000 calories an hour. Unless its consensual

Helen Gurley Brown, editor of Cosmopolitan magazine: “if you’re not having sex, you’re finished. It separates the girls from the old people.”

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither"

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."

"Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer."

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural and wholesome thing that money can buy.(Steve Martin)

The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense is damnable. (Lord Chesterfield)

I remember the first time I had sex because I kept the receipt.

"I love saying 'No' to men - I get so little practice (Peta Mathias)

If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, get a dog.

Have you ever paid for sex? Only emotionally.

The difference between seduction and rape is the salesmanship.

You know the worst thin about oral sex? The view.

Never knew what he saw in her until I watched her eating corn on the cob.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, get a dog.

I hear your favourite sex position is man on top, woman in magazine.

Listen carefully, or a sexual perversion (5,2,4,4) Crossword clue in the Financial Times. Answer: prick up your ears.

For a man, sex is a hunger. If he can't get to a fancy French restaurant, he'll go to a hot-dog stand.

(Warning: Troll) Rape is when you love someone who doesn't love you back, and you do something about it.

My classmates would make out with anything that moved, but I saw no reason to limit myself.

If sex is so natural, how come there's so many books on how to do it?

Sex is more of a compulsion - like murder.

Oh yeah, I've tried my hand at sex.

A kiss is a personal application on the top floor for a job in the basement.

My personal belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sex life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.

Every sentence is a sexual innuendo if you think long and hard about it.

He was a hardened criminal. Stole a whole crate of viagra.

A recent Amy Schumer rape joke goes: “I used to date Hispanic guys, but now I prefer consensual.”

Women fake orgasms bc they think men care. Men fake whole relationships

Women fake orgasms but men fake whole relationships

3 kinds of sex - start with honeymoon sex, then routine sex, then finally hallway sex (when you meet in the hall and say "Fuck you" to each other.

Rodeo sex where mount wife from behind, then whisper in her ear "This is how I do it with your sister" and try to stay on for 8 seconds.

Bisexual - doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night.
Trisexual - try anything once

Bestiality: a sickening perverted sex act between a human being and a registered Republican.

Chastity: the most unnatural of sexual perversions

New sex position - back to back - get another couple in to help.

We had a fast and furious affair - I was fast and she was furious.

Are you into casual sex or shall I dress up

She was a sex object - every time I suggested sex, she'd object.

It's not premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

Like Dudley Moore, I believe in meaningful one night stands.

Still have double standards - a man can sleep around all he likes, but not a woman - she makes a couple of dozen mistakes, and all of a sudden it's Judgement City.

Guys think that the larger a woman's breasts, the less intelligent she is. In fact, the larger her breasts, the less intelligent HE becomes.

Knew a woman who always confused her valium tabs with birth control ones. Had 10 kids but didn't give a damn.

Good news was that she wanted to have sex in the back of the car. Bad news was she wanted me to drive.

Sex life was like a fairy tale. Once upon a time, long ago ...

Irreconcilable sex life. She wouldn't have sex with him when he was drunk, and he wouldn't have sex with her when he was sober.

Every time I went to make love to her, she'd turn out the lights. Didn't mind that, but she'd hide.

She had two nasty habits in bed - pointing and laughing.

She belonged to the dead body school of seduction.

Into oral sex - all he did was talk about it.

If I'm not supposed to play with it then why was it put within such easy reach?

Tolerance is a great virtue and we shouldn't waste it on homosexuals.

(in thread abt guy wank in lib) Maybe he was just cleaning it, and it went off in his hand. Accidents happen, you know. "Went to bed at two with a 10, woke up at ten with a 2"

Call girl: someone who hates poverty more than she hates sin.

It only seems kinky the first time.

Well, that and the boner you'll be sporting. Err, sorry, not boner. The proper literary term is turgid love spear.

I love how you all sit there and judge and yet every weekend you're going to the VIP room of

I need therapy. And by therapy, I mean a handjob.

Obit for a French brothel keeper: “There are two things that people will always pay for — food and sex. I wasn’t any good at cooking.” With such disarming reasoning did Madame Claude become France’s best-known madam of the 20th century. "She was a terrible woman. She saw men as wallets and women as holes."


homophobic = homosexual, 9 times out of 10

Can we call it an axiom that any self-proclaimed conservative who rails against any particular sexual proclivity in fact engages in said proclivity on a regular basis?

My brother is gay but my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

Straight? He's about as straight as the Yellow Brick Road.

You may not be one, but you certainly look like one, which is worse.

All these new genders are so confusing. As I understand it, transvestites grow down from the ceiling and transsexuals are the ones that grow up.

See the mothers in the park
Ugly creatures chiefly
Someone must have loved them once,
In the dark, and briefly.