Quotes you can use to start conversation or to add interest to speeches or presentations


Marriage Quotes

Need more quotes? Extracts from Books on Marriage


Mariage is like a fortress besieged: those outside want to get in; those inside, want to get out.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

People change and forget to tell each other.

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

I can never find the right Father's Day card. They're all too nice.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. Lyndon B. Johnson

I married beneath me, all women do. Nancy Astor

Dolly Parton's advice on successful marriage: "Travel a lot. And not together."

I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year. Bette Davis

Extravagance - anything you buy that your wife doesn't have a use for

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. Katharine Hepburn.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory. Abraham Lincoln

Marriage should be a duet - when one sings, the other claps.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. Ambrose Bierce

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

Who knows what marriage is, maybe musical electric chairs.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.

All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.

Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence.

No matter who you marry, you wake up married to someone else.

Marriage is like the Middle East - there is no solution.

Marriage is like cement. It's forever.

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates

Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.

It was Mrs. Campbell, for instance, who, on a celebrated occasion, threw her companion into a flurry by describing her recent marriage as "the deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue."

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

If I'd killed her the first time I thought of it, I'd be out by now.

(Johnny Carson) You've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That's marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.

God created sex. Priests created marriage. ~Voltaire

My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it. ~Lee Trevino

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest

If a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.

"God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage" Mark Twain

"Love is like a game of chess: One false move and you're mated."

"Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police."

"Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended."

"Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce."

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND. Ambrose Bierce

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. W. Somerset Maugham

Man's vision of marriage is that he will wake every morning with his wife's hand on his cock.

... is the way a man finds out what kind of husband his wife would have preferred.

... is the process by which love turns into vengeance.

... is two people agreeing to tell the same lie

... is a deal where a man gives away half his groceries in the hope of getting the other half cooked.

If you really loved me you would have married someone else.

Are you married? No, I've always been round-shouldered.

There's a lot to be said about it, but not in front of the kids.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

Most men eventually figure out that if they'd shot their wife on their wedding day, they'd be out by now.

A 3-ring circus - first the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

'I am' is the shortest sentence in the English language; 'I do' is the longest one.

... teaches you loyalty, self-restraint and politeness - all the qualities you wouldn't need if you weren't narried.

Difference between boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. Between girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage. A pessimist is a married optimist.

I married Mr Right. I just didn't know his first name was "Always"

I married her for her looks, but not the ones she's been giving me lately.

New edition of Playboy just for married men - every month the centerfold is the same.

... based on trust and understanding. She didn't trust him and he didn't understand her.

He owed his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.

It was a glancing blow. His wife caught him glancing at a blond.

Bachelor: a man who knows more about women than married men

... a man who never makes the same mistake once

... someone who wd like to be married, but not all the time

Never trust anyone in a wedding dress, especially a woman.

Before you can get divorced, you first have to get married. For _______ and _______ the big day has arrived.