Food and DiningEdible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. ~Ambrose Bierce
At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely.W. Somerset Maugham
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.
My favorite animal is steak.
I don't eat snails. I like fast food.
All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.
Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.
My husband said to me: "If you could learn to cook, we could fire the chef." I said "If you could learn to fuck, we could fire the chauffeur." (Bette Midler)
A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat.
Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.
If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it probably needs a bit more time in the microwave.
Worries go down better with soup. ~Jewish Proverb
There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. (Robert Frost)
Colonel Sanders - the only man who can satisfy a woman in 2 minutes
I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food? ~Bill Bryson
(Also, the reason why the Chinese never invented custard.)
Kissing don't last; cookery do!
Great food is like great sex. The more you have the more you want.
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do. ~P.J. O'Rourke
Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat.
Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.
The quality of the food is in inverse quality to the view.
And the description on the menu is in inverse quantity to what you get on your plate.
Te chip: Britain's contribution to world cuisine
All sorrows are less with bread. ~Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote
A delicatessen is a shop selling the worst parts of animals dearer than the nice bits
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.
Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine. ~Polish Proverb
To the old saying that man built the house but woman made of it a "home" might be added the modern supplement that woman accepted cooking as a chore but man has made of it a recreation. ~Emily Post
You must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must also remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.(Dave Barry)
My wife dresses to kill. And she cooks the same way.
Dieting Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.
At the end of every diet, the path curves back toward the trough.
The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.
When people say briskly: "You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs", why isn't there another saying about how, on the contrary, you can make most things — even most forms of comestible — without breaking stuff? Destruction is not always a prerequisite for creativity, is it? It is misleading to suggest it. "Yes, but making biscuits involves just combining nice ingredients." Why don’t people say that?
"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people."
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.
If you want to get in shape, don't sign up for fancy diet this or Crossthat the other thing. No, the way to get in shape is to go to the gym every single day, change your clothes and take a shower. If you can do that every single day for a month, pretty soon you'll start doing something while you're there...
Men are more bread people, because bread is straightforward: it either works or it doesn’t. A failed cake, on the other hand, can be veiled in layers of butter cream and fancy decoration, and is thus very female.
Trouble with most recipes is that they've been written by people snorking down cooking wine by the gallon, and pretty soon they start making up words like fennel and shallot.
Most dangerous food of all is wedding cake.
Pride of lions, school of fish, rack of lamb
Dinner had 2 dramatic features - wine was a farce and the food was a tragedy.
I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.
Did you know that STRESSED spelt backwards is DESSERTS!
Seafood diet. She sees food and eats it.
Her idea of a balanced diet was a cupcake in each hand.
Hospital chart notation for obese people - DTS (Danger To Shipping)
From the day she hits 140lbs, a woman's cheif excitement is to see a woman fatter than she is.
Seize the moment! Think of all those women who waved away the dessert tray on the Titanic.
Inside every fat woman is a thin woman trying to get out, but she can usually be sedated with chocolate.
"Vegetarian" is old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well"
The thing about a rabbit is that you can eat its soft, chewy centre and then use its fur to keep warm on a chilly night. So it doesn’t die for a reason. It dies for two. (Jeremy Clarkson)
Because I live on a balanced diet, I have a balanced mind, and as a result I know that animals are like people. Some are for looking at. Some are for loving. Some are for riding. And some need to be shot because they’re a bloody nuisance.(ibid)
I've prepped the turkey - I've plucked it and stuffed it. All you have to do is kill it and cook it.
You can get quite a lot out of vege gardens if you cultivate the owner.
Some eatery run by cordon bleu pillow-biters.
Eat as much as you like, just don't swallow it.
He had the body of a god. Buddha.
He's in good shape. Round is a shape.
Had really flabby thighs but luckily couldn't see them because of his pot belly.
Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Got one of those talking fridges that go "Oink" every time open the door. All it did was make me crave pork chops.
If no-one sees you eating, calories don't count.
If you eat a choc bar and drink a Diet Coke, the fat in the choc bar is cancelled out.
Cinema foods have zero cals because they're part of the entertainment package.
Broken biscuits have no cals because they leak out of the breaks.
Anything eaten standing up doesn't count.
If you eat stuff off someone else's plate the cals rightfully belong to them.
Animals are terribly inefficient machines for turning plants into food.. yet wonderfully efficient at making plants tasty.
I've never understood oysters. Why not just eat pussy? Then TWO people are happy.
Then you'd be a vagitarian.
Who's up for a bacon wrapped bacon sandwich with extra bacon?
I regularly spike vegetarian dishes with meat stock.
They are amazed by the depth of flavour, and come back time after time.
I don't feel bad about this. I'm a bad person