Animals
AnimalsThere are two things for which animals are to be envied: they know nothing of future evils, or what people say about them.I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals (Winston Churchill) Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. “Cats can probably smell and detect cancer, just like dogs. They just don't care.” Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much because they all look alike. It's not like they're going to meet a really new, great looking penguin someday Cats have it all - admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. My goal in life is to be as great a person as my dog thinks I am. A dog may be man's best friend, but the horse wrote history. A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. To ride or not to ride - this is a stupid question. I find that seagulls opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread. Kids, if you want a puppy, start out by asking for a horse. Man's best friend eh? How many of your friends have you had neutered? The only foolproof way to get rid of cockroaches is to tell them you want a long-term relationship. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.(Mark Twain) The dog is mentioned in the Bible eighteen times -- the cat not even once. "The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it." "Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to." "We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet." "Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?" His wife does bird imitations - watches him like a hawk. I didn't rise to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian. The best things in life are free - how many kittens would you like> He's a great watchdog - so far he's watched the garage burn down and he's watched someone nick the lawnmower. My GF thinks I'm handsome but that's because I feed her guide dog. Washed our dog the other day and it killed him. Might have been the spin cycle that got him. What do you call a dog with 5 legs? A pit bull. Half collie/half pit bull - after it mauls you, it goes for help. One of the fish I caught was so big the photo weighed 3kg It's only when you look at ants through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how easily they burst into flame. Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead And now it goes to school with her Between 2 bits of bread Difference between Western zoo and a Chinese one? Chinese one has recipes as well as description. |